Taking the bad with the good.

I'm supposed to be decorating the house for Halloween and Thanksgiving and cleaning.  Anything to get out of cleaning, right?

There are a lot of good things that are supposed to be happening in  our lives in the next couple of weeks.  I still can't talk about it.  Well, my husband says I can talk about it to people (not here yet) but I'm afraid to because I'm afraid talking about it will jinx the good luck he's had so far.

For some reason though he cannot leave well enough alone.  Things are good between us.  He has me and the kids, his niece; who is like a daughter, my family, and his parents.  I suspect his parents are behind what he has done, because of the way they acted at our party a couple of weeks ago. His parents can guilt him into doing anything!

It's no big secret that we haven't been getting along with his sister due to things she has chosen to do in her life.  He doesn't talk to his brother because the brother has chosen to go along with the sister.  Both his brother and sister have gotten really religious and tend to throw bible verses in your face instead of actually dealing with the problems in their lives. Anyway, his sister did make one big change to her life this year by finally filing for divorce from her loser husband.

Last week, without my knowledge, my husband decided to extend the olive branch to his sister and decide to "have a relationship" with her.  I was furious, I felt this was a decision we should have made together. Honestly, I am not ready to have either his brother or sister back in my life, it is just one more source of stress for me ( and it causes problems between us as a couple).  I understand that his parents are suffering because they want everybody to get along but I don't think it's ever going to be what they want it to be.  My husband was sure she would send back a crappy e-mail full of bible verses blaming him for everything.  She didn't, she sent back one saying they should meet for dinner with the brother included.  Of course she wants her other brother there for support so they can blame my husband for everything in case things do get heated and my husband will probably sit there and take it because half the time he can't keep the details of everything that has happened straight.

Everything was going so well, why couldn't he leave well enough alone!

Comments

[Holly]

If you are going to be mad at me for taking your husband's side, please don't read the rest of this comment. :)

I can see his point of view - even if you felt it was "well enough", it's clear that your husband didn't feel that way. While his sister and brother have maybe not acted in a very christian way toward your husband and your family, they are still his sister and brother.

We are asked to forgive not seven times, but seventy times seven times. Sometimes that is difficult and sometimes it's darn near impossible. But I applaud your husband for extending the olive branch toward his siblings. Have they proven that they deserve forgiveness? Maybe not, but we aren't worthy creatures anyway - always thinking about ourselves and wanting more than we have - and yet, God loves us anyway. I am amazed by this all the time. I know from reading your blog for many years that your faith and mine are not exactly the same, so perhaps you can't see where I'm coming from.

But I do know from personal experience that peace in a family is worth a little (sometimes a lot) of discomfort at first. Some might say I shouldn't forgive my family for the choices they've made that have adversely affected me, but what kind of person would I be for turning my back on my brothers and other family? I can attest that I am far happier having a relationship and working through the struggles with them. Is it always easy for my husband, who has seen nothing but my pain? Absolutely not. Does he sometimes question my sanity? I bet he does. BUT, a year+ later, he can see that I was right in reaching out - that the initial pain was absolutely worth where we are today. It's amazing what communication and complete honesty can do in a broken relationship.

All I can say is support your husband in this decision. Hold his hand when he comes home frustrated or with his feelings hurt. Remind him of all that you have together and that he is doing the right thing for his children and his parents by trying to work things out. If you all walk away from his siblings, are you not showing your own kids that siblings are unimportant? That they aren't worth fighting for? I ask this only because I realized a couple years ago that my kids notice the difference in our family's relationship with my side of the family compared to my husband's side - and it occurred to me that I am the only one who can make them realize just how important extended family is. That when you love your siblings, they are worth fighting for. That no matter how they may "trespass against us" we are called by our Creator to forgive them. God's forgiveness for us is only as deep as our forgiveness for others.

It's a weighty issue. Not easy, for sure, but definitely worth it.

I wish you all peace and a happy reconciliation.

Sending you hugs. (Sorry this was so long - obviously, I should have posted it as a blog entry.)

[Kristin-mom to 4 boys, and 1 girl]

i like what holly said